Making progress...

"Today you bent for the first time!", followed by a slightly irrational laugh, I heard from the mouth of my good Aashan Sooraj, after standing in the basic Kutiyattam position (feet turned out 180 degrees, about 1 foot from each other, legs more than half bent, hip joint turned backwards and chin pulled backwards, so the spine is bent like a banana, belly to the front, and the head and hip joint would be at both ends of the banana. hands in front of chest, elbows on shoulder height and slowly make circles with fists, wrists turned upwards. ok this is a very bad description, but i will make it clear with a picture.) for 10 minutes, loudly repeating the sloka he sings to me. normally he sits on the stage, watching me quietly and giving me minor comments, but yesterday he was walking round me while reciting, which mentally makes a big difference. i had been put in this position , suffering the shivering and pain in the legs, but this time it was even longer. Its an inner mental fight not to run away from this uncomfortable position. When i am practicing alone i mostly just stop standing like this. But when the teacher is there its different. "bend deeper" his cool voice said. my legs started shaking and i wanted to run away but i didnt. as my "paining(another word in indian english vocabulary)" legs shivered so did the rest of my body and the reciting voice. but it went on... and on. And then he says: today you bent for the first time ... after two months of... bending? LOL! ok, but i can be happy that, appearantly, i am making a progress LOL! but after this excercise i come into a state of inner and outer silence, a special feeling. it needs perseverence, but this way it really becomes something valuable... in the beginning i came here i wanted as much as possible for the short period i would be here. this ambition was cracked quite early. on all the curious questions i mostly got the answer: "that is not really important", or "just wait, it will come", and yes, thats what it is about here. not about wanting, planning, understanding rationally, but about waiting and becoming one with surroundings and nature. its also about discovering (and expanding) the boundaries of physical limitation and mastering that with the mind. sinths a few days we started yoga classes too and that forms a wonderful complement. breathing, moving and thinking comfortably, one notices how mind and body, breath and thought are so closely connected. I've been dancing, doing bodily excercise and yoga-like things, but here in this context i am discorvering all that in a different sense. ok, enough of this today.